so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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