i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
