I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
