dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
where does the pee come out of this thing
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
