Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
