K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
