i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
