Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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