Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
