Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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