just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
