my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
