Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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