shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you win again, gameday.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
