I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
