she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
