you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
