GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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