Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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