so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
