He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
