I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
