What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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