I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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