i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the condom got lost in my hair
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
