Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
