I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
