Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
