the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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