I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
