there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize