New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
