I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
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Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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