You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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