Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER