this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself