I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
