what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...