i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.