is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
