Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
