Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
