OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just cropdusted the office
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
