dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
