I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
