well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
