I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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