you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
