God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
