You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
