i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this boner is exhausting
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
