I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
