So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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