So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
