I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
