READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
