Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
