Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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