i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
