My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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