he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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