ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
