I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want nice things and good sex
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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