Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
