Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
