Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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