the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
