"it" just moved
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
