just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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