Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
