i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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