Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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