did you get engaged???
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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