based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
