I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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